Blondies. I'd call them 'Dumb Brownies but that's not PC.

Blondies - the lighter, less chocolatey version of Brownies, but even better with a cuppa good coffee.  VERY easy to make and hardly any washing up.  My kinda cake.

You will need:

• 115g of butter
• 100g of packed soft brown sugar (packed means straight from the bag, not loosened up)
• 2 Eggs
• 225g of plain flour
• 1/2 tsp of salt
• 2 tsps of baking powder
• 1 tsp of vanilla extract
• 150g to 180g of good, dark chocolate chunks or broken squares.
• 75g of sliced almonds
• Handful of chopped walnuts or pistachios or...

How to make:
1.  Pre heat oven to 180degC (fan 160) and prepare (grease with butter and line the bottom) a baking pan about 10" square. 
2 - In a pot big enough to hold about 6 pints of water, melt the butter over a low heat until just melted.  Do not overheat the butter - you're about to add raw eggs and you don't want them to scramble.
3  - Add the sugar and eggs (take them out the shell first smarty)
4 - Stir through and then beat until well blended.
5 - Stir in the next 4 ingredients and then fold in the chocolate chunks and almonds.
6 - Spread mixture into prepared tin and evenly distribute.  Sprinkle with the nuts.
7 - Bake in centre of oven for 30 minutes or until the old toothpick comes out clean.
8 - Cool on wire rack and then cut into 16 squares (if using a 10 x 10 inch tin).
9 - Make a good cup of coffee and use to wash down 2 or 3 Blondies when cool enough to eat, but not cold.

Remove from tin and leave to cool on a wire rack.

While cooling, make a good cuppa coffee and then cut into squares and eat a few while still warm.

A Carrot Cake, too 'carroty' for rabbits.

Carrot Cake.  A wee bit of planning and effort, but not too much.  Relatively easy to make and guaranteed to impress.  Add a glass of bubbly and you're in like Flynn, or Flynnetta.

It's a Carrot Cake - It's meant to taste good, not look pretty.  I don't do pretty, you can't eat pretty.

Read this recipe right through BEFORE attempting it.

You will need 2 x 9inch loose bottomed cake tins, lightly greased with butter and the bottoms lined with greaseproof paper.

For the Cake.

• 400g of plain flour
• 1 tbsp of baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 tsp of cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp of allspice
• 1/2 tsp of mixed spice
• 100g of soft brown sugar
• 100g of dark brown sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 200ml of vegetable oil
• 100g of carrot puree (boil carrots until soft and then blitz in a mini blender or mash through a sieve)
• 250g of coarsely grated carrot
• 100g of raisins or sultanas (I like to soak mine overnight in some brandy or rum or..)
• 150g of coarsely chopped walnuts (or pecans)  Save 50g for topping the cake
• 100g of flaked almonds  Save 50g for topping the cake
• 75g of dessicated coconut
• 100g of chopped pineapple (rings or chunks, squeezed to get rid of a lot of the excess juice)
• Zest of an orange, some chopped candied orange peel or a tsp of good quality orange extract.  Whatever you have

For the Frosting/Icing/Covering and filling.

• 150g of unsalted butter at room temperature.  Hopefully your room is warm as the butter needs to be soft.
• 60g of icing sugar
• 300g of cream cheese
• 1tsp cinnamon
• 1tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 180deg C or 160deg C for a fan oven.

1.  Put the sugars, eggs and vegetable oil into a large bowl and whisk until well mixed and sugar is mostly dissolved (at least no lumps).  Don't even think about using a hand whisk - use an electric beater. Start slow and then increase the speed as you get things mixing.
2.  Add the flour, baking powder, salt and spices to the sugar mixture and mix well until all incorporated.
3.  Add all the rest of the cake ingredients and mix well.
4.  Divide the mixture equally between the 2 prepared cake tins.
5.  Put both tins into the oven on the same shelf.  And if now is the time that you are cursing me because your oven is too wee - not my fault, you should have read the recipe through like I told you at the beginning.
6.  Bake for about 30 minutes or until cakes show signs of shrinking away from the edges of the tins and a toothpick comes out clean.  Yes, the old 'toothpick' trick, again.
7.  Remove cakes from oven and leave to cool slightly in the tins for about 10 minutes, then remove them with the loose bottoms and slide them onto a wire rack to cool further.  After a wee while, slide the cakes off the cake tin bottoms onto the wire rack to cool completely.  When fully cold (and not before), remove the greaseproof paper from the bottom of the cakes.
8.  While cakes are cooling, make the frosting.  Beat the butter and sugar together until smooth.
9.  Add the cream cheese and beat into butter mixture.  Make sure it is very smooth.
10.  Add the cinnamon and vanilla extract and mix them in well.  Leave in the fridge to firm up for a wee while.
11.  When the cakes are cold, top one of them with about half of the frosting, spread evenly across the cake.  Place the other half on top and cover the top of that one with the rest of the frosting, again spread evenly right to the edges.  Top the cake with the remaining nuts.  You DID remember to save 50g of each of the nuts like I told you to?
12.  Make a good cup of coffee, cut a slice of cake and take a break.  While you are relaxing, start planning who you will seduce into bed with this cake.  Probably the best cake in the world.  Oh wait a minute,for that to be true it might need a bit more alcohol in it next next time.

ENJOY!

Serving Suggestion :-)

Pizza, Pizza, Pizza - the big tops. Part Two.

Pizza Toppings part 2 - just for a feature of interest and a quick run through.  Well, really it was just to keep part one shorter so you didn't fall asleep.

Sauce, Truffle Oil, Red Pepper, Oregano, Fresh Mozzarella, Basil, Sautéed Onions, Grated Mozzarella, Anchovies, Capers, Black Olives, Salami and Garlic, Fresh Parmesan and Mushrooms.

Sauce, salami, cheese, garlic, olive oil - ready to go into the WFO.

Coming soon - how to cook pizza to perfection.

Pizza, Pizza, Pizza - the big tops. Part One.

Ok, now that you have your dough and your sauce made you're ready to go and build a pizza.  Be scared, be VERY scared as the pizzademons know you are coming and if you don't come prepared then they'll smack you.  So get prepared!  As chefs would say, get your Mise en Place ready to go, or as Anthony Bourdain calls it, his meez.  At this point, to help keep the pizzademons at bay, a large glass of whatever kind of (good) wine that will go with your master creation should be poured and put to one side within easy reach.  If you're not a wine drinker (become one before you get too much older) then a large, very cold glass of your favourite beer will do but you need to add 2 peeled cloves of garlic on a thread hanging round your neck as well.  Good Luck and Buona fortuna.

From this point on you you need to think like an old world Italian, better still like a 'Napoletano'.  If for some reason you came to this blog thinking 'deep pan' or 'Chicago style' then drink your beer, suck on the garlic gloves and get back on your horse now, cowboy.  This is old school pizza - you should haver figured that out a few posts ago when I asked you to spend so long making your own dough and sauce from scratch.  Did I ask you to buy a ready made, deep pan piece of carpet underlay and a jar of Dolmio pizza sauce - did I?  If you're still here and reading this then, PHEW!! at least we are still 'on the same page' and thinking about real, pizza.  The kind that Giuseppe makes all his life and that we want to make and get as close as we can to 'Verace Pizza Napoletana' or Authentic Naples Pizza.

Enough yakking, let's create a pizza.  First, some toppings for your meez.

Some toppings - I used these for the pizza stone pizzas (coming later).  Clockwise from L-R as best I can.  Mushrooms, garlic oil, oregano, capers, black olives, the sauce, grated mozzarella, anchovies, salami, fried chicken breast pieces.

Now, let's get your bases ready to go.  Take one of your dough balls and... well I've just thought of another step I might need to put in here - how to stretch your pizza dough,  Damn, that will have to come later and you'll have to bare with me for now.

Turn out your ball of dough onto a lightly floured, smooth work surface.  Sprinkle more flour on top of the ball and then use your finger tips to flatten the ball and push out to shape.  Using only your finger tips at this time, use a flattening/pushing action while at the same time rotating the dough to try and keep it roughly round.  Do not use a rolling pin, you will regret it - just don't do it.  Once your pizza base is about 8 inches or so diameter, it will become harder to get much more shaping out of it with just your fingertips.  Start to use the flat of your hands and push and twist the pizza to stretch and rotate it at the same time.  You really need to 'feel' this and you are aiming for an even, thin base across more than 10 inches of the base with a thicker edge to the dough about a half inch to an inch wide at most all the way around the pizza.  (Idiot guide - 10+ inches of thin base across the centre of the pizza and an average of a one inch 'border' will give you about a 12 inch pizza)

I like to put my bases onto those thin plastic chopping boards (you can buy them in supermarkets) for moving about the work area.  I like to prepare all my bases first and then add the toppings.  I usually prepare 4 bases and then allow them to rest a little while before using them.

Next, it's time to get creative and this is now up to you.  Add some sauce and spread it about the base from the centre out but leaving the thicker edge clear.  You only want enough sauce so that the base is thinly covered.  If you were to turn the base upside down then almost nothing would fall off, it's that well spread out.  Then add the toppings of your choice.  Again, less is better and please, generally not more than 2 or 3 main ingredients as the focal point for your pizza with some other 'flavour/texture' toppings.  The more toppings you pile on the linger they take to cook - and pizza should cook quickly.  You'll see what I mean later.

Chicken, mushroom, capers, black olives and cheese with a little garlic oil on to.  Ready to cook.

There you go, a pizza ready to go into the oven.  Cook until it's ready in the hottest oven you have.  On a pizza stone in a domestic oven or right on the hearth of a wood fired oven.  That and more, coming soon.

Double Cocolate Chip Muffins

A Muffin is a Muffin is a Muffin - but they come in endless variations.  Within reason, chuck in what you want.  In fact, screw reason - it's your muffin and your chance to create.  Go for it.

Here's my attempt at Double Choccy Chip.  'Double' because it's a chocolate muffin with chocolate chips in it.  Makes 6 large muffins, so you'll need a muffin tray with 6 cups each about 7.5cm across by 4cm deep.

• 240g of plain flour
• 1 tbsp baking powder (edit: try 2/3 tbsp - I found mine 'bloomed' a little bit too much)
• 1/2 tsp of salt
• 130g soft brown sugar
• 2 tbsp of cocoa powder
• 100g of butter (barely melted, not boiling - I thought I'd try this instead of rubbing it in)
• 1 egg
• 100ml (100g) of milk
• 1/2 tsp almond extract or vanilla extract, who cares as long as you like it (optional)
• 100g of chopped plain chocolate (not chocolate flavoured topping)

1 - Preheat the oven to 200degC (180 for fan oven).  Prepare your muffin tins by lightly greasing them (with butter), even if they are non-stick.

2 - In a bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, salt, sugar and cocoa powder.  Drizzle the melted butter quickly all over the flour mixture and stir in right away.
3 - In a small bowl, add the egg, milk and extract (if using) and lightly whisk together until combined.  Pour into the flour mixture and quickly mix through until all the flour is mixed in, but don't over mix.  STOP!! as soon as you see all the 'dryness' of the flour gone.  The mixture should be slightly lumpy.  Tip the chocolate bits into the mixture and fold through a bit.

4 - Divide the mixture equally between the 6 muffin cups.

Put into a preheated oven at 200degC (fan 180degC) and cook for about 25 to 30 mins until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.  Remember that there is melted chocolate bits in there so it is 'free from muffin mix' you are looking for. If it comes out covered in chocolate, test another muffin.  Personally, I'd rather have a slightly undercooked, but moist muffin than an overcooked, dry one.  But that's just me.

Muffins Before Cooking

Muffins After Cooking

RAIN ALERT - Make Muffins to kill time.

It was pouring down, dull and miserable - just a typical day in Scotland really.  I had everything in the house I needed, so decided to make some muffins to go with the mug of coffee I was looking forward to after being dragged out by the dogs for an afternoon walk.  The muffins could cool while I was out getting soaked and freezing.

Enough to make 6 BIG muffins - enough to last 2 days, at most.  Make sure you have big muffin cups in your tray, 7.5cm wide x 4cm deep is about right, or make more, smaller ones.  It's not rocket science.

You will need:
>  250g of plain flour.
>  140g of sugar. Use simple granulated, castor, light brown, or whatever you have (not icing sugar)
>  1tbsp of baking powder.
>  3/4 tsp of salt.
>  120g of butter.
>  1 large egg.
>  100ml of milk.
>  1/2 tsp of vanilla extract.  I actually used 1/4 each of vanilla and orange, but you could add some almond if that's what you have.  I also sneaked in a half tsp of mixed spice - use what you want.
>  A big handful of 'fruity' stuff, about 150g should be enough.  I used halved glace cherries, raisins and some chopped candied peel.  Use what you have lying about.

Note - these are muffins, not some airyfairy, artyfarty, baked creation that needs to be measured down to fractions of a gram and cooked to the exact second.  Muffins are far more forgiving than most baked goods.

1 - Preheat the oven to 200degC (180 for fan oven).  Prepare your muffin tins by lightly greasing them (with butter), even if they are non-stick.
2 - In a bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt.
3 - Cut the butter into small cubes roughly about 1cm or less.  Tip that into the flour mixture and rub in with your fingers until you get the proverbial breadcrumb resemblance - or use a 'pastry blender' if you like more washing up.
4 - In a small bowl, beat the egg, milk and extracts until blended.  Don't over beat so the eggs become fluffy - no point in doing any more elbow work than necessary.
5 - Pour egg mixture into flour mixture all in one go.  Stir the mixture until it is just mixed and all the 'dryness' of the flour has gone.  It should be lumpy and again, do not over mix.  Not only is it not necessary, but it also makes for denser, heavy muffins.
6 - Tip the fruity bits in and fold through until just mixed in.
7 - Spoon mixture into the prepared muffin cups.  For 6 muffins using similar size of pan mentioned above, each cup should be filled almost to the top.  Push any cherry bits into the mixture so they don't dry out or burn first.  If all goes well this should create a perfectly shaped muffin top - the kind you see hanging over jeans all too often :-)
8 - Put into oven and bake for about 25 minutes until a toothpick inserted into middle of a muffin comes out clean.  Tip - If using a non-fan oven I like to rotate tray 180degrees after about 15 minutes to get even cooking on the tops.
9 - Let cool a bit and then remove from tray.  Eat warm or cool on wire rack for a chewier top.
10 - You can zap one for 30 seconds in the microwave later, but regardless - Enjoy.

Steakhouse Burgers, and neigh messin' (sorry).

If food be the foundation of life then burgers are one of it's building blocks.  A good burger is the cornerstone of....  Ok, let's forget the 'building' analogies and get back to the Meat.

If you want a good burger or a great burger, and you don't want to have to pay through the nose for it or run the risk of being very disappointed by some so called Steakhouse (or Bar and Grill) chef's attempt, then you've just got to make it yourself.  It's the ONLY way to guarantee that what you are eating is what you want to be eating and that it will taste like you want and expect it to taste.
 Note:  If you even think about using shop bought mince then leave this website now - this is NOT for you.

There are MANY ways to make a burger and I'm sure there's more than one right way, but here's my way.  This is for Steakhouse burgers, which are thick and juicy.  We will cover the thinner 'diner type' burgers at another time.

First of all, start with some fatty, cheapish steaks.  These are shoulder steaks, but some steaks just won't work.  Rumps steak may be cheaper, but it has very little fat to talk of.  Ribeye and Sirloin are even better, but do you really want to grind up a good sirloin or ribeye for a burger?   Shoulder is a nice tasting piece of meat and just the right balance of lean to fat.  About 80% lean to 20% fat is about right.

In the beginning, steak - just steak.

First thing to remember when making your burgers is to keep the meat cold at all times.  You do not want the fat starting to warm up, rendering and spoiling your finished burger.

Cut the steaks into smaller 1inch chunks, something that will fit easily into your grinder/mincer, then grind it with the largest aperture for the coarsest mince.  Only pass the meat through the mincer one time.

Grind it up.

Catch it in a metal bowl that has been chilled in the fridge/freezer and as soon as you are done, cover the bowl with cling film and put it in the fridge right away.  Now clean down your mincer and clear away your workspace - then have a cuppa coffee and a seat and dream of Burger Heaven.

Now you need to prepare your own 'secret' seasoning mix.  Here's mine and sorry, I'm not telling you yet, I hardly know you for Pete's sake.

Seasoning secrets and well chilled meat.

Sprinkle half the season over the meat and fold it through with a fork, but don't over mix the meat and cause it to lose texture.  Then sprinkle the second half over and then carefully mix through again.

Seasoned meat - note that it is still coarse and open textured

Quickly re-cover the bowl with cling film and chuck it back in the fridge for at least an hour or more.


(Update - Jan 10th 2016) TO BE CONTINUED!!